[shutterbug]

Karim...i'm home for a few minutes on a break from work...i forgot to take my meds last night and was starting to feel the withdrawals...so.

anyway...do you mind if i ask what kind of art you do?

i think dark art is theraputic...it's a way to get the darkness outside of ourselves. you've inspired me a bit with this thread. i've been wanting to put my emotions into images for a while now, but have always had more pressing things. After work today....i'm going to do 2 images on my to-do list and then spend the rest of my evening working on digitally manipulating a self-portrait to try and put my emotions into it.

i think that is the only 'good' that can come of this hell and pain.

thanks for that....really thanks.

and yes....more than anything i want to be held so badly by someone who just wants to hold me....for me and for caring enough to want to....that's what hurts the most inside. so from that front....i understand completely.

oh....and i look like hell too...i haven't showered in 2 days, nor put on make-up. it's rare that i ever go to the office without makeup and with my face so broken out right now....i look even sicker. and the 'face of depression' is definetly on me. i wish i didn't have to work. i hate having to face people right now. mostly because i can't STAND for people to ask me how i am or 'how goes it' or what's up or anything similar.

people don't want to hear "i'm sick. i want to die. i think about suicide several times a day. i can't stop crying. leave me alone."

nope...people don't want to hear that. So when they ask how i am....i say, "i'm here." or "i'm alive" The latter often gets a chuckle and that just p*sses me off so i no longer say that if i can help it.

back to work now....have to attend a stupid auronautics meeting in an hour....yeah...politicians and lawyers and CEOs is who i have to face and photograph every single day! makes being sick and looking sick that much harder to handle when everyone i have to deal with is dressed to the 9's.