Bosco,
I'm Linda and the mother of a 25 yo addicted son. I've been here since Oct. 2005 for my own recovery from codependency.
I'm very sorry for what is going on in the lives of the people that you love and care about. Addiction does that.
You've come to a good place for support and feedback.
If you want to make this work because you love your wife, there are many options out there. Face to face meetings with other codependents (alanon/naranon) is a good start. Reading what you can about addiction and recovery. Offering her the chance to get well by going into a rehabilitation facility and starting a recovery program for addiction to drugs. This is all based on the fact that she is ready to stop the drug use.
See, my son took 5 years to finally make a change, and only then, because I had him arrested for stealing from my home. I was desperate to save him, so whatever it took, I was gonna do it. He spent time in jail and kicked his heroin addiction.
Only to come home, thinking that a beer every now and then would be fine.
Doesn't work that way, does it?
Once I took the focus off of him and started looking at me and what needed changing in myself, did I realize I was a codie.
It doesn't stop the addict, but it helps in the way we deal with, live with, and love them. Sometimes, just stepping back and letting a HP (Higher Power) have control over our lives, do we actually start to feel better.
Hence the saying, "Let Go, Let God."
I hope you can.
Keep coming back to share and get the support and understanding from folks who know what your going through.
You, your son, and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers.
A new sr friend,
