Thanks North.

I'm hoping for a miracle too.
Like you said, we can stay clean and hope to catch a miracle.
I think that if we stay clean we will heal and won't always be so bad.
I think I've just been really paranoid over this whole thing after reading all of that. I never thought of stuff like that before I actually decided to do the hard but in the aftermath is when it really comes back to haunt ya.
What's done is done though and I can't undo it but I can cause unnecessary stress to myself by worrying. Maybe I can still function with what brain I have left. :P
Definitely don't want to be digging any more holes for myself that is for sure.
Yes, just like you said.... Faith.... and hope for a miracle.
For you and me both.