Hippy,
You can only do what you can do. No more; no less.
Are you helping yourself by taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? If not, can you start to do so? Do one thing each day. It will help.
And YES, I KNOW how difficult it is to do when we are wishing we could put our head under the pillow and escape from the world. And we have to do it anyway. It is our way out from this hell.
If you really need to go to the hospital, do so. Don't let anyone else stop you. But, let it be because you are a danger to yourself or someone else, and no other reason. Because, other than those reasons, you and I, like everyone else who suffers from depression, anxiety, bipolar, and other issues, needs to learn to face life on life's terms. We do so by taking care of ourself first.
We will never make anyone else happy, until we take care of ourself.
I hope you understand that I'm saying these words, that may sound harsh to you right now, out of love. I've been where you are. I understand. You HAVE to get up and begin the process of taking care of yourself, even when you don't feel like you can!
Do one little thing each day.
Success breeds success.
You *can* do it.
And we are here for you...
Shalom!