[FormerDoormat]

I'm with Mallow on this one. Alcoholics will tell their significant others anything they want to hear so they can get their co-dependent partners to agree to take care of their responsibilities again. The moment you return to your previous living arrangement, they generally return to their old drinking habits and behaviors; especially when they are still in denial about having a drinking problem and aren't actively working a program of recovery.

I stayed in touch with my alcoholic boyfriend for the last two years of his life, until he succumbed to his alcoholism a few months ago, but only from a safe distance away. I allowed him to visit me on weekends from time to time, but only when he was not drinking. I accepted phone calls from him IF he was sober. If he was obviously drunk when he called, I'd politely end the conversation as quickly as possible.

It is possible to take your life back from the chaos of living with an active alcoholic. How you choose to do that is completely up to you. Some folks need to cut off all contact in order to live a peaceful life. Others, like me, can continue the relationship from a safe distance and with firm boundaries in place. Frankly, I'm glad I chose the path I did. It allowed me to move on with my life after he passed away free from any guilt. Richard knew that I loved him and that I liked spending time with him, too. It was the alcohol and what it did to him that I despised.

Alanon, learning all I can about alcoholism and co-dependency, and SoberRecovery helped me fine-tune the right solution for me.