no need to appologize Gail....hang around for a while! You don't have to bipolar to post in the mental health forum....PTSD and anxiety are issues that many here struggle with also. Mental health means just that.....mental health. We are a very warm (tho small) group and you NEVER need to worry about offending someone here by talking about your feelings and what you are going through. That's what this forum is here for.
Since i am bipolar and struggle mostly with depression....well, i constantly get negative and down and even downright furious (as i did today with my insurance company and my therapist's secretary), but that's me being me and human.
you are human. Please don't feel embarrassed. Nothing to be embarrassed about. During my major depressive episode i went literally weeks (no joke) without showers or teeth brushings and maybe, if i was lucky, changing clothes once a week. Trust me....i have tons of things to be embarrassed about, but i was also very ill and doing my best just to keep myself alive.
In a different, but similar way, you are doing the same. You are struggling with something very real and very dibilitating. I've witnessed alcoholism destroy the lives of WAY too many talented and bright people....to the point of being completely at the mercy of it and being drifters as long as family and friends will put up with them while the kill themselves quickly (my ex regularly went on binges of a gallon of rum each day for a week at a time...and even when not binging he still blacked out every night and has been to the ER more times than he can remember with vomiting blood from the holes he's burned in his stomach).
This is a real illness...a real disease you are fighting...and not a pretty one either. Every step you make in the opposite direction is one to be applauded...as they are the hardest steps you will ever take in your life.
Again...no appoligies needed, but rather a giant (((((((welcome))))) to SR and our special corner of it
((hugs))
Jenna