SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

prodigal · 08-30-2007, 07:22 PM

Welcome, lyralee - I'm glad you found us! Please notice the stickies at the top of our forum. When you have a chance, look them over - lots of good information on the disease.

This is only my opinion based on my personal experience, having been married to not one but TWO A's: your fiance went into rehab, managed to complete all 12 steps in just four months (which sounds pretty doggone fast to me), and I'd place my bet on the fact that he did it to win you back. He wasn't serious about his sobriety. Why? Because he's using again and he's defensive about you interfereing with his addiction.

It's a sad thing that you have to face, but he wants it to work both ways; as in having his cake and eating it too. In other words, he keeps his addiction and you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out most of the time. As someone who has been manipulated, abused, lied to, and witnessed the insanity of two alcoholics, I can tell you that the only way you will survive is without him. If he gets sober and works a strong program, consider taking him back. Some of the stuff he did to win you back sounds a bit extreme to me, and doesn't indicate he sought a healthy balance in gaining sobriety.

Yes, lying and manipulating (and cheating, if it occurs) is part and parcel of the disease of alcoholism.

Have you considered Al-Anon? Calling all the hotels in town to locate him is indicative of codie (codependent) behavior on your part. Please give Al-Anon a shot because all you can do is work on yourself. He alone has to make the decision to work on himself.

08-30-2007, 07:22 PM	#3 (permalink)
prodigal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean Posts: 2,139	Welcome, lyralee - I'm glad you found us! Please notice the stickies at the top of our forum. When you have a chance, look them over - lots of good information on the disease. This is only my opinion based on my personal experience, having been married to not one but TWO A's: your fiance went into rehab, managed to complete all 12 steps in just four months (which sounds pretty doggone fast to me), and I'd place my bet on the fact that he did it to win you back. He wasn't serious about his sobriety. Why? Because he's using again and he's defensive about you interfereing with his addiction. It's a sad thing that you have to face, but he wants it to work both ways; as in having his cake and eating it too. In other words, he keeps his addiction and you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out most of the time. As someone who has been manipulated, abused, lied to, and witnessed the insanity of two alcoholics, I can tell you that the only way you will survive is without him. If he gets sober and works a strong program, consider taking him back. Some of the stuff he did to win you back sounds a bit extreme to me, and doesn't indicate he sought a healthy balance in gaining sobriety. Yes, lying and manipulating (and cheating, if it occurs) is part and parcel of the disease of alcoholism. Have you considered Al-Anon? Calling all the hotels in town to locate him is indicative of codie (codependent) behavior on your part. Please give Al-Anon a shot because all you can do is work on yourself. He alone has to make the decision to work on himself.