[lyralee]

I've been dating an alcoholic on and off for the last seven years. We broke up about three times during the relationship, and each time was over alcohol. About two years ago, during one of our breaks, we bumped into each other on the street, and I was with my new boyfriend. He was very sad, and after that he drank a lot, and then finally hit rock bottom. He decided at that point to go to AA. He did the 90 days, and all twelve steps, and was really active in meetings (in all of four months). He seemed so happy during that time. However, at the same time he was doing all the AA stuff, he was trying to get me back even though I was with someone new. He did crazy acts of love (like climbing a mountain to leave me a message and donating all of his expensive clothes to charity), crying all the time, and he even bought me a ring!!.. I kept on trying to push him away, but he just wouldn't leave me alone.. Finally, he broke me down, and decided to give him another chance (that was about six months after bumping into him and one month into the AA program). Since then, we've been dating, and we just recently moved in together and got engaged. Little did i know that once he got me back, he started to fall off the wagon. He would drink on some nights and not come home, lying about his whereabouts, and always covering up. I knew something was up, but i always chose to believe him that he wasn't drinking, and that he just fell asleep at his friends place. Finally about two months ago, he started drinking more, and not coming home more often (mostly on weekends). I started smelling the booze on his breath. I tried to encourage him to go to AA, and I would go with him to show my support. He started to become distance and unemotional. And then this past weekend, he fabricated a huge lie that he was going to Seattle with his friends for the weekend. We had a long talk about his drinking and honesty. And he promised me he wouldn't drink, and that he would communicate throughout the entire day with me, just to let me know what he was up to. For some reason I can tell something was up from his last phone call during that day (around 10pm).. and I called the hotel he was supposedly staying at... he wasn't there.. i called all the hotels in seattle, and he wasn't in any of them.. i finally started calling hotels here, and sure enought he was staying in a hotel in our hometown with some other girl. Needless to say, I was devastated. He tried to tell me that his alcoholic mind took away all his inhibitions, and although, he knew is was wrong, he did it anyways. He tells me that he found comfort with being this girl b/c she validates his behaviour, and he doesn't have to feel ashamed. Although he tells me that they didn't have sex, the intent was there. Can you blame cheating and lying on alcohol?

I know I have to leave him, this relationship doesn't bring me any happiness. And even though he says he loves me, it doesn't seem as though he is ready to stop. I do have my moments where i think I should stick by him, but for what? All I'll be doing is rewarding bad behaviour, and in the end enabling his to continue drinking, lying, and cheating.