(((((Jenna)))))
I have found that when I hate someone it usually because they remind me of me...yea I am seeing my reflection. Being that I have hated myself sooooooo much and been soooooooooo cruel to me it is no wonder that when someone holds up the mirror I just go ballistic. If I can stand back from the situation and look on as a innocent bystander I can usually see that I am looking at aspects of myself that I just can't stand.... if.... I am being honest with myself.
What is the solution? How can I be more tolerant? More peaceful? I feel like an expert in my field and I can really resent someone younger and less experienced telling me I am not doing it right... I have a great deal of difficulty filling out a form I am dyslexic and I have beat myself merciless over it. When someone at work comes and puts a form in my face that I have filled out I automatically get defensive even if there is nothing wrong. Once someone wanted to comment on my findings on a matter that I put in down in a form. I jumped to a conclusion thinking they were going to put me down (like I do). All I was doing was showing this person how insecure I am about my work and how I am not willing to take any direction, comments, or constructive criticism.
What I now realize is that we are all learning and growing and that I want someone to be able to approach me at work and make comments that could possibly help me to be better at what I am doing. I have to accept that my way is not always best in all situations. I want my co-workers to trust me but, I have to be approachable if that is going to happen. If I am willing to listen to someone else and hear them out they will listen to me and respect my opinions and see me for the great talent that I can be....
