Hi Margo,
I have learned a lot of parental boundaries in my recovery. Most of the boundaries have to do just with me and not with them at all. My parents tend to be very judgemental and very overprotective. It's a negative thinking thing too. It gets too me in my gut sometimes but I have learned to hold my tongue and let them be who they are. Evidently a lot of stuff I do bothers them too, they just choose to tell me all about it. I feel like it doesn't get us anywhere when they do that. I basically just ignore them and know that this is the way they are. I try to accept them for who they are without trying to bend over backwards to please them all the time.
If I need a break, I leave. I say I have something to do and that is it. I can't change who they are and I don't want to spend my time trying.
Being new in recovery is hard and my suggestion would be to make sure you take extra good care of yourself. Leave when you have to or tell him you have some errands to run and you'll meet him at dinner later or something. Make sure to hit your meetings and stay close to people in recovery. If you really are distraught by his behavior you may want to say that you are having a hard time with some things and would rather not focus on certain things.
The main thing is that he goes back home and all is well again. Sometimes we make sacrifices for our parents but not at the detriment of our sobriety. I don't know if I've been much help. You'll be fine sweetie. You know where to find us......right here waiting to see how it's going
