[Starr]

Been backpacking in canada. It is just beautiful there! We (the group I'm in) go every year. Backpacking is my release. I go as often as possible. He is alway full of rage about it. (that is another story!)

On day 7 we stayed at a campground before heading back into the backcountry again. That night there was a group of about 6 "ladies" camped next to us. They were drinking when we got into camp at about 4, looked well settled in. They were drinking, loud and obnoxious when we went to bed about 9. They were loud, cussing, swearing, arguing, laughing, ect. all night. The cops came 2 times. I lay in my tent staring at the ceiling. At 3:30 AM they began to quiet down. But my thoughts could not. I finally slept.

Next morning, they were asked to leave within the hour by the park ranger. Of course they were "victims" Talk around our picnic table of course revolved around the nights events. I told them this is a normal occurance at my place, if I wanted to be around drunks I would go home, that I am free from this in Canada.

We were on the trail by 9AM. I took off up the steep hill like a shot. The tears would not stop and I didn't want anyone to know how bad it hurt, the memories just kept circling as I ran up the trail, and I mean up, it was steep and within a few miles I was dripping sweat, panting, crying, all together and finally slowed and got my tears under control. Making up my mind I have to get out of there. Then we get to the lake. How beautiful! The Lake of the Hanging Glacier!

If I get out of my house, I have to go to work full time, and won't be able to get out and do the backpacking which has been my salvation from the nightmare which I live. So I am confused again. But these friends of mine, as they look at the lake, they don't feel the pain inside which I do. What would it be like to experience this without pain? My mind spins on the way back to the car and all the way back from Canada on the drive I keep to myself and think.

My daughter had my car and was to pick me up when I got in, but she was gone, so I had to call him to pick me up. Of course I woke him, and I felt the anger when I got into the car, (he is always full of rage when I return) back to the chaos of my life as his friends came over and life hit me in the face again. And I realize how much I need to get out of here. But then I loose the backpacking trips which have gotten me thru for the last several years (0ne cannot take off the time to go on these trips while working)

I just felt like my worlds collided. Thanks for listening