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hippyhippy · 08-21-2007, 02:27 AM

Hi there,

Jenna, you recommended a book A Brilliant Madness, which I bought. Thank you so much for that recommendation! I am reading it at the moment, and as if it were a college study book, I am underlining and highlighting areas, that seem specific to me.
She says so many things that I identify with and it make=s me think 'wow!'

I won't say them all, but she talks about ruminating about death. I did that ALL the time at the start of this 'bout'
She talks about her behaviour in her teens. I can trace this back to my teens too.

What really struck me though was she spoke of depressions she had had as a 'result' of something. Miscarriage, bereavement. And that she felt it was acceptable to have these.
That again described how this felt for me. I have had at least five MAJOR depressions, all with a 'reason' and this one came out of the blue (well....not quite...it was major work stress that triggered it) I have also had some more minor depressions over the years. Much of my teenage years were spent in depression or me thinking I was life and soul of the party, combined with stereotypical creativity. I used to act, paint, write. Then during the first of my major depressions, I gave them all up. I had a fall out with them, for want of a better way to describe.
I hated my acting, painting and writing for not making it better, for not allowing me to be wonderful for the world. Sounds soft, I know, but that is how I felt. So for 15 years, I didn't act paint or write anymore. When I am majorly depressed, I can't even read as everything I read angers me for being too futile, too pointless.

This time, I am at an advantage. Through therapy I have been encouraged to relax and take time for me, which I have been doing. I found myself buying canvas and paints and taking it up again and producing stuff that I like. This was through this past period of time where I have been experiencing a 'high'

I am levelling out again. My mood feels pretty stable. I am still getting the flashes of anger that are quite scary, but my meds are doping me up and I can't take as many as the shrink wants me to take. I am going to have to build them up.

I am waffling I know, I really just wanted to thank you for the book recommendation!!

Hippy

08-21-2007, 02:27 AM	#4 (permalink)
hippyhippy hippy Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: UK Posts: 492	hi Hi there, Jenna, you recommended a book A Brilliant Madness, which I bought. Thank you so much for that recommendation! I am reading it at the moment, and as if it were a college study book, I am underlining and highlighting areas, that seem specific to me. She says so many things that I identify with and it make=s me think 'wow!' I won't say them all, but she talks about ruminating about death. I did that ALL the time at the start of this 'bout' She talks about her behaviour in her teens. I can trace this back to my teens too. What really struck me though was she spoke of depressions she had had as a 'result' of something. Miscarriage, bereavement. And that she felt it was acceptable to have these. That again described how this felt for me. I have had at least five MAJOR depressions, all with a 'reason' and this one came out of the blue (well....not quite...it was major work stress that triggered it) I have also had some more minor depressions over the years. Much of my teenage years were spent in depression or me thinking I was life and soul of the party, combined with stereotypical creativity. I used to act, paint, write. Then during the first of my major depressions, I gave them all up. I had a fall out with them, for want of a better way to describe. I hated my acting, painting and writing for not making it better, for not allowing me to be wonderful for the world. Sounds soft, I know, but that is how I felt. So for 15 years, I didn't act paint or write anymore. When I am majorly depressed, I can't even read as everything I read angers me for being too futile, too pointless. This time, I am at an advantage. Through therapy I have been encouraged to relax and take time for me, which I have been doing. I found myself buying canvas and paints and taking it up again and producing stuff that I like. This was through this past period of time where I have been experiencing a 'high' I am levelling out again. My mood feels pretty stable. I am still getting the flashes of anger that are quite scary, but my meds are doping me up and I can't take as many as the shrink wants me to take. I am going to have to build them up. I am waffling I know, I really just wanted to thank you for the book recommendation!! Hippy