[hippyhippy]

Since this mornings post, I am calmer.
The community meantal health team called me and advised me to tak med immediately. Then they came out to see me and gave me a sedative to take when ever hubby got home.
they think I am having reactions to stopping the anti depressants, but that I really need to take anti psychotic during the day as well as at night time.
I spoke with my daughter and we both cried together for a long time. I have apologised profusely and taken this opportunity to try to explain about my illness. I have hidden it from her for the past year(well, I have tried denying it to myself too)
I do not use my BP as an excuse. I use it to understand why I did what I did.
At present it is like I don't have the same knowledge as to what is going on in my brain, like the on/off switch is faulty.
I was perfectly calm before this mornings incident and I had a quarrel with my daughter as we do every single morning about her hair. She sort of pushed me and I lost my temper at her, so she hit my arm then I slapped her. While I think I had every right as a parent to be angry at her, furious even, I had no right to slap her. It is not what I do, I do not hit my children.
However, immediately afterwards I wanted to die. I wanted to leave the house and go and die.
I tried to phone my hubby and mother but there was no reply from either. I did not want them to comfort me, I wanted them to come so I could go away and die.
I phoned the mental health team to tell them I needed to be locked away.
All is now ok. As ok as it can be. the inevitable post temper depression is whirling its way through me. It is going to be really really hard not to drink tonight.

Hippy