(((Bozo))) good to "see" you friend
The mini emotional melt-down's she's having tells me she's over-stressed to the point of depression. There are a lot of stress-reduction techniques she could try that are simple and REALLY do work...as i never thought they would myself until doing them and they helped me get throw a majorly stressful and sick time in my life.
Your mom sounds like she needs to get involved with other seniors in the area.
Your wife could benefit from raising her self-esteem. There's probably a core reason WHY she feels things have to be perfect and that SHE has to be the one to do it all....and i wouldn't be surprized if it didn't have at least a little to do with your mother living with you both and with being in Japan and the cultural influences that may have.
If your wife has always been like this and it's just gotten worse recently...then should could possibly have some obsessive/compulsive issues (or OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder).
But is sounds to me like she's just trying to be "superwoman" like so many of us in this day and age try to be.
Does she feel like a failure as a woman or a wife if the house isn't kept spotless? If so, then why? If she's comparing herself to the "good old days" when wives were able to do that then she must keep telling herself that they didn't work full-time jobs back then either!
She is holding herself up to higher standards than is humanly possible. If seeing a therapist is an option....i'd suggest trying that. She needs an outsider to tell her she doesn't have to be perfect (and can't anyway no matter how hard she tries). And someone to help her work through these strong "perfect pictures" she carries around of how she feels things are "suppose to be."
I'd definetly suggest looking into the depression aspect of things to make sure she's not struggling with some underlying and uncontrollable issues with that. It could be just depression or it could be just high-expectations of herself, or it could be some of both.
Hugs,
Jenna