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thanks for the replies. A lot of food for thought there.
I was a bit freaked to realise it is progressive. My shrink is lovely but he is a tad eccentric and blaise about things. He gave me the impression that I might have had a 'one off' bi polar illness and might get better and never be bothered with it again.
I will have a look for that book on E bay jenna. I have been advised to read a couple of books but keep on putting it off as I don't want to accept the information it may give me.
I sort of trust the doctors diagnoses, but then I think it is me making it up. Am I making myself fit the symptoms rather than them fitting into what I do. Everything about me seems to be contradictory. Sometimes I think I 'want' to be ill but then I think that I hate it. Doctor says that is symptomatic of the depressive side of the illness, believing it is 'me' 'my fault' But I really really do believe I can stop this if I really tried, but I seem unable to try.
I do know that I have massive mood swings. Anger is a big one. When I get angry I tend to do stupid self destructive behaviours.
Sorry for going on. It helps to write it all down as I make a bit more sense of it.
Hippy
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