[shutterbug]

The first book i read about my bipolar was "A Brilliant Maddness" by actress Patti Duke. I have never liked reading b/c i can type twice as fast as i can read and comprehend anything....however, that book brought clarity to SO many aspects of my life and actions.

It's been out for years so it's only $7-8 and most bookstores will order it for you if they don't have it stocked. I've also bought copies from Barnes and Noble online where they ship it to you.

I am not lying when I say that the realizations about my moods that i gained from that book literally changed my life and with the impact it had on helping me accept what was going on (and what actually had been going on ALL my life that I hadn't realized was anything other than just my personality and who i was!)

Paranoia...is a symptom.
Enjoying the manias is typical.
Shopping, pleasure seeking, increased labido, risk-taking, greater substance intake....all symptoms as i'm guess you already know.

Here's what you probably don't know though....the longer you fight the diagnosis is that much time not spent tending to the illness....and bipolar disorder is a progressive illness when not continually managed. So....for every episode you have now....the number and intesitiy will double exponitially.

It's your life....no one can make you do anything, but if a doctor told you that you had cancer and you refused to believe it.....then that wouldn't mean the cancer doesn't exist! It would just mean that it was being allowed to progress and spread untreated while you got used to the idea of having cancer. Not exactly a good idea right?

This is no different.
Whether or not you have come to terms with it....the bipolar disorder is still affecting your life on a daily basis....and that is not going to change.

Hugs....and welcome,
Jenna