Juls,
Welcome back!
I know these dark spells and I understand. Sometimes it´s the best thing not to talk at all about the depression, because it could just grow worse from talking about it.
As to the female thing, I get really scared as well. When I was younger I had a really weird experience in London when the staff at Whitechaple had to remove an IUD. I ate, drank and smoke the whole night from fear, before the op, but it went fine, despite the unhygienc conditions. They had to close the surgery down two months later because of persistant cockroaches! The operatin g table was stained, nobody cleaned after the next patient. But I did survive, and I have no doubt that so will you, what with the good hygenic status you have in the States.