Hi, Karrotop!
I think you've hit upon a question that many of us deal with at different stages of our lives....particularly transitional stages. Nonetheless, I also think that who we are is a sum total of what we do. For example, my son may say that he's straight, and he may wish it and fully mean it. But, if he goes out and uses, well, he's still an active addict. Our behaviors determine what we are.
I used to stand at the door, and watch the folks in the neighborhood go to and fro. I belong to a small community, and I know I"m completely welcome. But, I didn't feel worthy enough either. I was scared. I was a frightened shell of a person, never knowing what I was either.
Today, I partake in life. I go to religious services. I belong to the community club and participate in some, (not all), of the activities. I teach history for a living. I still need to work on myself, but, I no long stand at the door, wishing I could be a part of, but, too afraid to reach out. And that's ok. I'ts progress, not perfection.
So, what's one thing you would like to do, if there were absolutely no obstructions in your path? Dream big! Name it. Write it down. Then, start to work on it, one step and one day at a time. You will begin to discover who you are.
And we're here to walk you through it...
Shalom!