| question.....WHO am I?
good morning all...this is my first post in this forum....I have been sober for almost 4 months now,and the alchohol recovery forums have helped me tremendously.....Now,i am having difficulty in another area of my life....I have been seeing a therapist regularly for awhile now...
I just feel so,"empty" these days....I have always had someone in my life to,"care" for....aging parent,kids,and more aging parents.....I guess I never felt the need or the desire to have an identity of my own....the kids are grown,and gone,and are doing very well for themselves...I am now taking care of my mom,who is in poor health...
But,now,at age 48,I feel empty....i feel like a blank slate,with no idea who I am...as a person...I feel lost...
My therapist always has what seems to be good ideas and suggestions for me....taking a class,just for fun....volunteering....inviting a friend out for coffee....But,i feel like my feet are stuck in cement....I can't take a step,even a small one....what am i afraid of?My therapist says it's because i don't feel like i am,"worth it"....I also have a VERY hard time doing anything,"just for myself".....
I believe it's because I was raised by,and still care for,a mother who always was,and still is,a MARTYR...She never did anything for herself...always put others before herself,and then made us all feel guilty about it...even now.it's in my head that to do for yourself,or think for yourself,is somehow selfish.....
I am afraid it's just too late for me to build a life for myself....it's been so long...I have always been someone's daughter,someone's wife,someone's mother....
I don't know.....but any thoughts youmight have would be appreciated....thanks..KT
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