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Don't feel bad about your lack of commitment Jane..and don't let it keep you from posting...You sound like me..but the truth is that this addiction thing is the hardest thing we will probably ever try to recover from!! I mean its not easy..and there is no cut and dried answer for many of the things we go through in the process..I have "committed" to recovery so many times now...its not that simple and I think that you are RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. One day at a time..let go of what you are doing "wrong" and look at what you are doing RIGHT.
For one thing you are very HONEST about where you are at..you know the trugh about your addiction..it is so HARD to enjoy using once we know that truth, isn't it..recovery really screws up your using huh?? I am one to talk ..I have almost 6 days on a cold turkey heroin kick..I did not think I could do it..but one day at a time, today was the best day I have had in 6 MONTHS!!!! and I still feel rotten but what a relief..once you get a few days you will be rolling right along..once you get a little taste of how much better it feels to not have to depend on a drug just to survive our daily lives..it well seem more worth it to you and then making a commitment will feel good too...I have terrible cravings too ...I work myself into a freaking SWEAT thinking about it..but I do something else when I am feeling that crap...first off I pray...to be relieved of the craving..then I maybe read a meditaton...or CALLING someone in recovery can't be beat...KEEP GOING to the meetings..I have been going too and I feel so pathetic sitting there shaking and looking all crazy eyed...but I get so much support it is amazing and then suddenly I feel like I am NOT carrying the heavy load all by myself...Craavings are totally NORMAL for us..I would wonder what was wrong if you didn't have them..LOL..they will get easier and you will learn ways to cope with them if you try..problem for me was I never even tried to cope..I just always acted on the craving..if I give myself time they GO AWAY...
Well just wanted to get this post to you so ou will know you are not alone out there and there are lots of us here fighting the same battle..in the end Jane ..I think you are going to WIN this one!!!
love north
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