[kelliegirl]

It's true.

I want to ask my husband for a separation/divorce. I can't stay in this marriage any longer. I have no confidence in myself and my self-esteem is in the toilet. There are times when I am in this house and I feel like running away. I get this overwhelming feeling of impending doom and it's crippling. I can't seem to concentrate for any period of time and all of my thoughts are scattered. I don't sleep very well and I either eat constantly or I don't eat for days. (I do post in the Eating Disorder portion of this forum and my story is chronicled in a post I made in the New to Recovery forum).

I want to tell my husband NOW but my father suggested that I seek legal advice first. He's worried I will jeopardize myself if I tell him to go now. I have so many thoughts racing through my head that it's like my feet are stuck in concrete. I've been online looking for some kind of support groups and I've been trying to find a therapist. I sit at my desk at work and I want to be somewhere else. I can't function in my job sometimes. I have an enormous amount of responsibility at work and at home. I have a little boy and some days I feel like I am on autopilot with him.

A few years ago I went on Paxil to treat PTSD and Post Partum Depression. It helped me for a while but then I began to have so many negative side effects that I had to get off of it. I gained a ton of weight and I began to have really weird thoughts. When I was going to start a new job I asked my doctor to take me off of it. I felt so much better about myself and my ability to handle my life. Now I feel so lost again. I don't really want pills again but I don't know what else to do to save my sanity.