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crawlingout · 07-13-2007, 07:30 AM

Hi guys and gals,,,,, I really appreciate the words that you all share. It does bring some kind of sigh,, I guess of relief or just merely I'm taking a breath!!! Just knowing that there are people out there that would even take the time to acknowledge I exist!!! My days really suck and all I keep thinking about is how a drink will make the feelings I have go away!!! Guess it's a combination of feelings that make me want that,,,,,, that are not good!!! I'm just in a situation where I can't wait to close my eyes at night, but then dread them opening up the next day!!! I have felt lost so many times in my life before, but this truly takes the cake!!! Honestly I look for people to reach out to me in my daily life,,, wether from an AA group or from say the local church,,, I expect that,,,, as that is what they claim to do,,, help the helpless,,, alcoholics helping alcoholics,,,, reach out to those in need!!! Well thats what they claim to do!!! I'm at this point in my life,,, very introverted,,, withdrawn,,, can't find it in myself to reach out,, no matter how deep I reach!!! Trust me it isn't pride,,, I have none left!!!! I was reading a bit in the big book lastnight and the part that keeps playing back in my mind like a recording is this,, Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not give themselves completely to this simple program. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault,, they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest!!! I keep thinking I must be one of those unfortunates,,, there really is no other explanation!!! I'm still sober today for no other reason other than my father has taken on the resposibility of managing my money!!! Can you really imagine being 48yrs. old and having your 68yr. old father in charge of your finances!! What really is wrong with that picture? As I said I have no pride left at all!!! You all have a great sober day!! Thanks for everything

07-13-2007, 07:30 AM	#6 (permalink)
crawlingout Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Ocala, Fl. Posts: 4	Hi guys and gals,,,,, I really appreciate the words that you all share. It does bring some kind of sigh,, I guess of relief or just merely I'm taking a breath!!! Just knowing that there are people out there that would even take the time to acknowledge I exist!!! My days really suck and all I keep thinking about is how a drink will make the feelings I have go away!!! Guess it's a combination of feelings that make me want that,,,,,, that are not good!!! I'm just in a situation where I can't wait to close my eyes at night, but then dread them opening up the next day!!! I have felt lost so many times in my life before, but this truly takes the cake!!! Honestly I look for people to reach out to me in my daily life,,, wether from an AA group or from say the local church,,, I expect that,,,, as that is what they claim to do,,, help the helpless,,, alcoholics helping alcoholics,,,, reach out to those in need!!! Well thats what they claim to do!!! I'm at this point in my life,,, very introverted,,, withdrawn,,, can't find it in myself to reach out,, no matter how deep I reach!!! Trust me it isn't pride,,, I have none left!!!! I was reading a bit in the big book lastnight and the part that keeps playing back in my mind like a recording is this,, Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not give themselves completely to this simple program. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault,, they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest!!! I keep thinking I must be one of those unfortunates,,, there really is no other explanation!!! I'm still sober today for no other reason other than my father has taken on the resposibility of managing my money!!! Can you really imagine being 48yrs. old and having your 68yr. old father in charge of your finances!! What really is wrong with that picture? As I said I have no pride left at all!!! You all have a great sober day!! Thanks for everything