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"You know, if you had gotten up earlier this morning, I wouldn't have needed to drink. I like to start the day off productive."
"This is YOUR fault"
"Why are promises made? To be broken."
"You should never have to say 'no' to me."
"This is my self-destruction, how dare you interfere, you don't see me bugging you when you're reading US Weekly" (no, I usually don't get to read it, because it spilled a beer on it!)
"I don't mind driving. No really, I don't mind driving." (he can't even walk half the time!)
"If you don't want to, I can find another girl so easily you don't even KNOW"
My Absolute favorite:
"If you really loved me you would!"
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