To go into thinking about quitting but just using a couple more times ~ I do not even know what to say about that. I am completely floored by that response. When I thought about quitting, I thought about never using again, ended up using again, but always went into it with the thought of NOT!! To go into it with the thought of using again ~ what are you setting yourself up for??
I started out just like you. Sometimes a 1/2 gram would last me a couple days. (By the time I stopped, there were some nights that I did 1/2 gram in one line.) Never did it alone. Always was able to pay the bills. Then, I lost control (figured out later that I did not have control after the first line), could not pay the bills, so I started dealing. Never made a profit, snorted it, but that was the point. I was able to pay the bills AND have my stuff. Then, I was "being watched", so I had to lay low for awhile. Stopped for a little while. Went back to using, but not dealing. Ended up spending a couple thousand a month. Did not pay rent for 6 months, had no phone, no food, etc. I even ended up losing my job (which I stole from). The rule of never doing it alone went right out the window too. I preferred it that way, more to myself. I was nothing but a walking lie. I remember everything I said was a lie. I lied to my friends about not using anymore, (like they could not tell), I lied to my employer & co-workers about why I could not come in, I lied about why I could not go to my sister's baby shower. And oh yeah, I left my parents sitting there waiting for me to take them out to dinner on Easter on year without even a phone call. I could go on & on.
The facts about it is: COCAINE IS THE LIE!!!! It is the most evil drug I ever did. It made me into a person that was against everything I really was. I was so different on it. I look back on it now & cannot believe some of the things I did & said.
The thing that I had to finally admit to myself before I was able to quit was that I COULD NOT CONTROL IT. Every time I would try to stop using, I would always go back to it thinking that this time it would be different. It never was. Every time always ended up the same. Never knowing when to stop. Always letting people down. Always not keeping the commitments I made. I would always tell myself that I would be able to control it next time. BULL ~ it never changed. Until I came to that realization that it was in control and making me a person that I did not like, was I able to quit. I pray that you come to that realization before it is too late. I pray that you take some of the advise from others on this thread & get to some meetings or at least start hanging out with the friend that wants you to quit & stop hanging out with the person you are using with. They are right. Nobody cares that you are trying to quit. All they care about is having someone to use with, making money or scoring themselves. All of my "friends" that used still would come up to me & ask me to get it for them or if we were at a party would do it right in front of me, even offer it to me. That is not a true friend. We are supposed to love and help our friends. The true meaning of unconditional love is to do what is in the best interest of others. Offering lines is NOT in the best interest of ANYONE.
I am sorry this is so long, but I remember everything I went through like it was yesterday and it has been 6 years in May since I did my last line. My heart goes out to you.