[crawlingout]

Yes,,, I'm crawling out,,,,, out of the bottle and into reality,,,, which has caused me to realize just how much of life has left me and passed me by!!! I can't believe I have continued this pattern of sobering up,,, drying out,,, maintaining sobriety for sometimes lengthy periods at a time,,,, to only climb back into the bottle and bring havoc into my life again!!!! They say that it is insane to have suffered all the tradgedy,,, all the losses of friends as well as family,,,, the financial burdens of having to deal with the legal system,,,, to end up in hospitals for both mental and physical issues,,, to come so close to death on numerous occasions,,, to have to have your life put into a judges hands!!!! YES THIS LIFE OF MINE IS INSANE!!! I have lost absolutely everything except this tragic life!!! Truly I'm lost,,, don't think I have the ability to start over one more time!!!! I'm 48yrs. old,,,, jobless,,, living with my father out in the middle of nowhere,,,, no drivers license,,,, no friends (as they have all given up on me),,, rest of family have ostersized me,,,, guess I'm just completely alone!!!!! Have tried turning my life over to God as my higher power,,, especially the last time I sobered up!!! Had success for about 6mos. before falling again!!!! Just don't feel worthy enough to even ask for his help anymore!!! Anyone that would care to just say hi,,, share and or give advice,,,, I'm here looking for something!!! Hopefully I'll know what it is when I find it!!! Thanks CRAWLINGOUT!!!