[Lilya]

I´m familar with it too, HKAngel. It happens when I´m under a lot of stress to the point of being overwhelmed. Sometimes I use being on auto-pilot to get over a difficult period, because I believe it can be used to one´s advantage.

I used to have the feeling that "nothing good can happen to me" when I was very depressed. It still happens now and then. As I had surgery and treatment for benign breast cancer in 2004, I thought I would go insane and I thought it would last forever. I got so many frightening diagnoses before I was properly diagnosed.

And mine was just benign. The stress you must have been under, Annie. It takes a long time to become whole again after that. I think it´s important to give oneself that time.

During a course in anger management, I realized the trigger which made me think I was undeserving of the good things in life. My counsellor told me to take a time out when I felt the triggers and use a calming line from a poem or play to chant, and I do that. It´s very calming and it makes me realize that my feeling of depression and anger comes from having too high expectation of other people and myself.

I also find it very useful to let go. Sometimes I work the problem so hard, it becomes a problem in itself. Then I know I should minimize it and put it into perspective.

It takes a long time to get there, and I´m not even halfway there. But I know we can all be sucessful at it. I have known peace and balance in my heart. With patience it can be achieved almost on a daily basis.

Love and light,