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Thanks Nancy for your kind words and for taking the time to read the topic. I had a very intense couple's meeting with my estranged wife (even though we are separated, we have agree to continue therapy for communication purposes). I came to the realization yesterday that the "Poor Me" piece is so ingrained in me, that I lost sight of nearly all which was important in a human relationship. I wanted my wife to be there physically, spiritually, sexually, and emotionally without reciprocity. She cried when I said this in therapy, but that's pretty much the stuff that we all agreed was the case.
I do this act with many people in my life. Like when I used to call my ex-GFs on the phone, I'd make it out like my life was a living hell when, in fact, I have all that a man could ever want. A beautiful, intelligent, dedicated, and loyal wife, a home, a gifted child, a nice job--but yet, I had to have the pat on the back that symbolized that I was in such pain. I realize that I've lied to myself as well as to my wife and to my kid. This for me, is the key to ever moving on with my life--no matter what road I end up on.
K
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