Anna....substance abuse is often the result of self-medicating something else. Most people don't realize that if there is a history of substance abuse in their family lines...then most probable is also psychiatric issues. Sexual and physcial abuse is often another sign among family lines that mental illness is at the root. A lot of people don't want to accept this b/c it would mean that anyone with substance abuse issues could start having people wonder if they have mental illnesses. It's not a popular thing.
DrainedWife: My suggestion is to visit
www.nami.org (National Alliance for Mental Illness) there you can find a link to the state you are in and that will lead you phone numbers and offices in your area that you can call for information and a possible referral to a respected psychiatrist.
Also, mental illness is different than just dealing with someone who is an alcoholic or drug addict. If a person is properly diagnosed and then learns what that diagnosis means and then is willing to help themself to live past the mental illness then help from spouses and loved ones is always a good thing.
I would be homeless if it weren't for my mom and step-father...as i went through a 2-year bout of my personal mental illness and struggled just to barely function. With their help, and many others, i am back better than i was before in both my career and my mental health.
If your husband refuses to try to let you help get him started....then that is on him, but there is nothing wrong with trying to help someone who is struggling and may not even realize WHY they are struggling.
Hugs and best wishes,
Jenna