[t_a_n_y_a_]

I think one of the hardest things for me to accept about many of my relapses was the fact that I had purposely set myself up for them. no I would NEVER have admitted that to you or myself at that time, or even afterwards. It was of course never my "intention" but simply an unfortunate set of circumstances that led to my using again. Today an "old friend" called me (i think we all understand what that means). She wanted to get together with me. I suddenly desperately wanted to go. I wasn't sure why......or at the time I didn't know why. In the back of my head I know my addict thoughts were rearing their ugly head "Oh what an easy way to put myself in a situation where I can plead no fault and still relapse." I sat there all night thinking of reasons why I should still go just to prove to myself that wasn't WHY I was doing, but once again it was a set up, one of my own creation. I'm glad I have the clarity to sift through these thoughts now. For that i'm thankful for my sobriety