Well, I did it. I got a sponsor. I am 9 days clean (again) and I am taking recovery very seriously. I go to meetings every day, read the book, work on steps and don't use in between meetings. I was paranoid that I was doomed to failure and that I wasn't doing any of this recovery thing correctly. People here and in meetings have assured me that I was doing the right thing and that I needed to find a sponsor. I was scared to. I had a sponsor before and it wasn't a good experience. Of course, my thinking tells me that if it doesn't work out once, it won't ever. Funny how much that thinking never worked if I had a bad trip. Go figure.
Anyway, I was having a rough day and I knew I needed to talk to someone. So I called up one of the women who was always very friendly towards me and told her I needed someone to talk to and to help me work the steps and asked her plainly if she would be willing to be my temporary sponsor, just to figure out if we worked well together and could help each other. She said that she would be honored but she wanted to ask her own sponsor if she felt that she was ready to sponsor me. I thought that was a good idea and made me feel like I had made a good choice with this one since she was making sure she was making the right decision.
She called back to say that she was able and willing to. I am excited, but afraid. It's important that I get myself out of my comfort zone and try something. I am willing to do anything to save myself, so hopefully this will work out.
I just wanted to ask if anyone else had such trepidations about getting a sponsor?
Thanks!