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ciryda · 06-25-2007, 11:00 PM

I am a self injurer.I am in the beginnings of a long journey of recovery. I have battled
SI-Addiction and Alcoholism for most of my life. I have been diagnosed and treated with ADHD / Bi-Polar,depression and Bulimia, just to start things off. Alot of times I have described myself as being out of touch with reality. My thinking is jumbled and disconnected. I sometimes have heard voices that force me to self harm. Delusia and paranoia also compliment my thoughts, without notice and race through my mind.
Tell me I will... Love is a small world Tell me I hear. Dont love it but I will. Just need to now be strong till I find me. Love is a part-time thing, but will grow strong. I tell myself.. Sometimes mild and sometimes severe. Psychotic thinking from trauma and stress.I suffer from sleepnesses, anxiety and hyperactivity, obsessive and compulsive
actions are present in my daily routine as well. I am working full-time at a hospital
and think about the patients on mental holds through-out my day. I was a patient
upstairs on more than several psych stays. I now have to go into the "unit" several times daily as a employee. I am working on my issues(as my Mum calls them). I have taken the step
of stopping all my psych meds. Life is tough at times. I really want to grow. Having intrusive thoughts and images I don't see to be able to control. I am actively attending support groups as well as NA and AA to address my addictions. I self medicated all my life so I didn't have to feel and live through the pain that has painted my past. I feel maybe I should not of stopped the meds, just because I felt I was doing better in society,though just barely blending in. The changes I have worked real hard on, have made small differances in my life. I am scared of a relapse now my biggest fear. I am just looking for either some empathy or understanding on where I should go from here? Go back to the Dr.? I hate taking my meds cause it makes me feel weak and that I cant cope without them. Their must be a reason I just don't know?

06-25-2007, 11:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
ciryda Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Coos Bay, Oregon Posts: 12	Thought Disorders I am a self injurer.I am in the beginnings of a long journey of recovery. I have battled SI-Addiction and Alcoholism for most of my life. I have been diagnosed and treated with ADHD / Bi-Polar,depression and Bulimia, just to start things off. Alot of times I have described myself as being out of touch with reality. My thinking is jumbled and disconnected. I sometimes have heard voices that force me to self harm. Delusia and paranoia also compliment my thoughts, without notice and race through my mind. Tell me I will... Love is a small world Tell me I hear. Dont love it but I will. Just need to now be strong till I find me. Love is a part-time thing, but will grow strong. I tell myself.. Sometimes mild and sometimes severe. Psychotic thinking from trauma and stress.I suffer from sleepnesses, anxiety and hyperactivity, obsessive and compulsive actions are present in my daily routine as well. I am working full-time at a hospital and think about the patients on mental holds through-out my day. I was a patient upstairs on more than several psych stays. I now have to go into the "unit" several times daily as a employee. I am working on my issues(as my Mum calls them). I have taken the step of stopping all my psych meds. Life is tough at times. I really want to grow. Having intrusive thoughts and images I don't see to be able to control. I am actively attending support groups as well as NA and AA to address my addictions. I self medicated all my life so I didn't have to feel and live through the pain that has painted my past. I feel maybe I should not of stopped the meds, just because I felt I was doing better in society,though just barely blending in. The changes I have worked real hard on, have made small differances in my life. I am scared of a relapse now my biggest fear. I am just looking for either some empathy or understanding on where I should go from here? Go back to the Dr.? I hate taking my meds cause it makes me feel weak and that I cant cope without them. Their must be a reason I just don't know?