[ciryda]

Hi Tanya,
Self Harm/SI was a way out for me for 28 years. I had a way of disconnecting my body from my emotional being.Most was centered around hatred and anger from my past.Drugs and alcohol fueled this behavior. I am learning now that self injury is not a part of drug addiction or alcoholism. I am treating it as part of the recovery process but the core issues are very differant. I craved the act because I got a "high" from the act,and at one point fantacised about the anger building so I could
SI. As a child growing up I had no place to process or express my emotional issues
or feelings. I was also plauged with fear, loneliness or a social outcast,depression,
confussion about sexual identity and /or a lack of sexual freedom. I lived in a dark
place for a long time.So very long. Today the present is so much brighter. Faith has started to replace fear, and other core issues are surfacing,such as my hatred and anger that are now being dealt with. I am living in today,no longer "future tripping".
I am actively involved in self help groups and drug and alcohol meetings. It's for me about learning to re-live life all over again. Re-aligning morals,values, honesty,self discipline, motives and personal growth. All which is part of my recovery process.
I no longer try to hide my scars . I have way too many to try (trust me) I want people today to accept me for who I am and
to get to know the real me,in which i'm now just discovering who I am.
For me today i'm still scared but not afraid to look inside myself.
A freind in recovery.
Ciryda