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...I CANNOT honestly say that my life got better - besides losing the obvious physical and mental pain that goes with addiction.
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And that's not enough reason to stay sober?
You said you made a choice to start drinking again. It was a bad one. And it won't help you discover whatever the underlying problem is. Alcohol will only mask the problem.
It may take much time to find out exctly what's the full problem. And you may never get a lable that sticks. What's a lable anyway? Isn't true that you really want to live in peace? If so, then you've got to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I know when I do things for myself, I feel better. I have to take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I don't want to get out of bed. I'm not always good at doing them, but, it's what works. Those are the things that will keep me on the right path for my mental health. I hope you find your way...
Shalom!