| whose fault - might trigger.
After it was over
He said to me
no wrong was done
There was no crime
bruises and cuts
they are only marks
marks of my love
my passion for you
yes you wanted it
Now ur a women
and I still love you
those were his words to me
so he loved me,
it wasn't a crime
so why do I feel robbed
why did it hurt
love hurts,
so it must have been love
but why did he change,
never again did he
love me the same
that day, everything changed
what had I done,
my body changed
I committed a crime.
I tried to change back
I stopped my periods
by taking the pill
I had no breasts
until I was 15
then the love just stopped
the last time, he had se*
he was mad, he eyes
looked sad.
I had changed.
my body had changed
I feel guilty for letting him down
he still has the photos
and will always have
a part of me.
part of me things what
he done was wrong
yet another part,
feels I was wrong.
was it really ab*se
or was it me doing wrong
I know its not normal for
a man is he's 50's+
to fancy a person of 10
to have se* with a thing
aged 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 & 15.
but if it was wrong
why don't I hate him
why do I feel the blame
why do I feel the hurt
why do I feel dirty
why do I feel shame
why do I feel embrased
if it was him, wouldn't he feel this
and not me?
if it was him, wouldn't he be the one who was depressed who is just covered with labels, if it was him wouldn't he be punished and not me. if i was the victim why am I being punished, why am I the one who has to drink to block the shame, one am I one who can't do normal things, whose being using drugs since she was 12, why am I the one who self destructing if it was he's fault and he was to blame. why
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