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I didn't read this thread until just now, but I can relate to what you describe in my own way. My ED began when I was eleven because I didn't want that womanly shape. I was uncomfortable with the idea of my body changing. It's still something I struggle with today. Like, I wish I could let go of feeling like I need to look like a pre-pubescent little girl. I look at models with womanly bodies and somehow I just think it looks great on them, but those curves would look awful on me. It's hard because I feel like once I let go of my fears and allow my body to develop, I might hate the way I look, but I'll never be able to go back.
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