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I've not been to an AA or NA meeting, I would feel alienated, I feel that people would stare at me, and that I would be like the hulk and stand out, I know mentally I wouldn't because I'm the same as everyone else. I also have a massive phobia about mixing with people, espcially without a drink. I start shaking and have a panic attack. I will be seeing someone in 3 months about my drinking, self harming and panic attacks, it will be one on one. I wish I had the confidence to go even if just once, if I could just get to the door, would be an achievement for me.
I have started to isolate myself from the world, today was the first time I've layed in bed all day and ignored my phoned from text messages..I just had to get thru it, I am willing to change, I have to change and I'm willing to take orders, what ever it takes I just want a life, not to keep existing in a world, but live in a world.
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