[Astro]

I'm a selfish, pathetic wh*re..

Wrong. You wouldn't be posting here if you didn't want help, but you need to reach out for it. The only thing pathetic about this is that you're beating yourself up. You deserve better for yourself.

a friend has sent me more tramadol and some other tablets.

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

I guess I'm scared to get better cause then I lose all support and end up back where I am, but also, I can't live with memories, having to take drugs and drink to get high and then depressed, then the not drinking or taking drugs and feelin depressed..never feeling content. I'm sorry I'm bored of me as much as u must be, everyone is bored of listening to me..I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you're feeling this poorly, lost. Are you ready for an AA meeting yet, some sort of support group, a place to feel safe and to get help from others who've been there? Are you ready to let people love you unconditionally?