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I hate my life, I hate everything about me..I'm a selfish, pathetic wh*re.. I hate the feelings I have, I hate that I'm never clean, I hate everything about me. I've cut down on all food and now only eat ice pops. I can't deal with everything on my own left on to my defences I can't cope, I thought I could but I can't. I've not even been home 24 hours and already I want to take the tablets..a friend has sent me more tramadol and some other tablets. I just seem to lose any ability to take control. I guess I'm scared to get better cause then I lose all support and end up back where I am, but also, I can't live with memories, having to take drugs and drink to get high and then depressed, then the not drinking or taking drugs and feelin depressed..never feeling content. I'm sorry I'm bored of me as much as u must be, everyone is bored of listening to me..I'm sorry.
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