What Makes A Good Sponsor
What makes a good sponsor? Some suggestion to give a newcomer who has asked you to sponsor them. The most important things told to our sponsor by their sponsor.
There is a common belief that a strong foundation is instrumental to long-term recovery. What newcomers do in their first ninety days and in their first months with a sponsor are key to how they will work the rest of their program. During this formative time, what basic things can you have your sponsees do to set this foundation and establish your relationship with them? Below are some suggestions. Quite honestly, I believed that our sponsor participants, especially on a question as basic as this one, would have pretty much the same answers. I was quite surprised to find out otherwise. It is consistent throughout that the answers are inconsistent. Everyone has an individual approach, and it's a plus to have so many perspectives to choose from. You may not choose to do what they did, but what they did may help you choose what to do.
What makes a good sponsor?
M.T.: I think a good sponsor is someone who has worked the steps, has a strong program, and is passionate and inspired about her program.
Charles: I think a great sponsor is one who is available whenever possible, one who always reminds us of who we are and why we're doing what we're doing. In other words our biggest problem is we forget. I recently (in the past three years) moved away from somebody I loved very much, and then got back with that person and continued the relationship. My sponsor reminded me of why I moved out. I'm ten years sober, and I moved out at seven years sober. Moving out was one of the best things I ever did. I forgot why I moved out, and after he asked me the question three times, I remembered why. But I had to hear the question asked three times. I consider myself a pretty good listener. So, for all of us, not just for my own experience, our biggest problem is we forget.
That's what Bob and Bill did for each other. They didn't talk to each other; they listened to each other
I don't like "don'ts". I like "dos". I think "don'ts" have a way of being self defeating. I'd like to see: This is what we do." I'd like to see that over and over again. "This is what we do to stay sober." I don't want to hear anything about, "We don't do that." That's crap. We do everything. So I think, if we get into what we do to stay sober, that's where the emphasis should be.
My responsibility as your sponsor is for you to see that I love you, and in that sense, loving to myself. As your sponsor, I also try to get you to see (no matter how big, mean and tough or nasty you are or how many things you've gone through) that your parents aren't responsible for your actions. And, again, I'm here to love you and to be loved. That's the key to the program.
When I come back, we will hear from "Suzanne" on the subject, "What makes a good sponsor?"