I´m over my attack and I am grateful.
I have thought about what happened yesterday and have taken steps to have another doctor performing the operation.
Still, I´m happy to feel that I´m still alife despite my long celibacy and I´m not ashamed.
"Admitted to God, to ourself and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs".
Working this step with sincerity and being perfectly honest is the only way I know to get somewhere in recovery. I recognize my triggers and I act accordingly.