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Lilya...
Your story reminds me so much of mine. The destructiveness of behavior. I have been celebate since May as my wife and I don't sleep together anymore since our marital separation and I am not involved with anyone else, but also because we did discuss the role that compulsive, damaging sex has had on our marrage. It's okay for me at this point to be alone. Celibacy is just what I need right now, along with supportive friends.
The medication that I take for Bi-Polar probably has stopped me from acting out in the worst way possible. When I was manic, I was all over the place--from drugs--to women--to porn--to masturbation--to compulsive weight lifting--to spending myself into five figure debt. But I do regret that I slipped in February of this year into smoking pot which led me back to the porn, which, in turn, led me to make hundreds of dollars of phone calls to women, which, of course, led my spouse to file for divorce. I am beginning to think that my disorder was activated by the use of marijuana. All of this could have and should have been avoided by me--That's the really sad part.
K
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