[Faith2Change]

A couple days ago, I got into a bad argument with my mother and stepfather. I had called and spoke with my doctor about symptoms I was having, which I thought I might have been misdiagnosed with the Major Depressive Disorder-and actually have Bipolar type 2. We talked about going to a psychiatrist, which I'm six months over due for. When I called my mom to tell her that I need to start seeing one, she told me that our insurance will cover us, but we don't have enough money, and also that I get into these moods when I'm bored or don't get my way (big slap in the face, like i'm being called a liar-especially when she has panic disorder as well). After the talk, i was very disappointed, felt helpless and got emotional. Then when she and and my step dad got home, they were both upset with me. My boyfriend tried to talk to them, and then told me to go talk to them. So I went in their bedroom and I tried to talk, and my step dad just goes off and says, you can't take care of yourself and I see it everyday (which isn't true, he see's me for three hours a day). My mom told my boyfriend that she can't trust me with anything, because i've burned her too many times. I completely understand her point, I did fall back into smoking weed and couldn't handle waking my brother up, getting him off to school, and having him come home and watch him till someone showed up. I tried to keep talking to them and saying you can't trust me if you never give me a chance. And mom just walked out of the room and I tried to follow, then my step dad got into it. I said some disorders especially PTSD need to be treated or they can get worse. And he said what the hell is this ptsd, how do you know you have it. That's when I started to yell, and say I've been diagnosed by my doctor. He started screaming at me and I just said ,yes sir, and then my boyfriend and I went to our room and left it alone.

The other thing that still is bothering me, is that my boyfriend doesn't want me on the medication. He thinks I'm strong enough to fight all these disorders without pills. He also thinks it's all in my head, that I think the pills help. He went through therapy and different depression medication, but he hated it all. Me I tried to fight it until I felt I needed other peoples help. I told him this is what I want to do. Take medication, because it has helped, and go through cognitive behavioral therapy. He just doesn't understand what I'm going through.

I just am so tired of having help right in front of me, but never being able to get it.
I'm just so tired of the nightmares and panic attacks from the nightmares, and the depression on top of that. Hopefully I might recieve some help from my doctor since i'm going to see him Wed., but i'm going because of an emergency room visit from friday. Don't worry nothing bad bad, just a pinched nerve in my arm.

If anyone has had these issues with family or loved ones, please feel free to share with me or give advice.