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Welcome Hardway

For now... don't worry about admiting if you are an alcoholic or not.
You have the same problem I have... have a drink and you don't stop till the night is over or the money runs out. I was told I am an alcoholic but a different kind then what I thought was an alcoholic. Still no matter what I called myself... I had a problem with what alcohol did when it crossed my lips.
Meetings will gain you a better understanding, some support, and answers.
We do find the answers and we can get past the problems alcohol brings into our lives. I am proof of that. Been sober for a bit and enjoying life even without the alcohol.
If I can do it, you can also.