Hi HK,
I think I've worn out your ears with my whole thing already
--- but I'm a big believer in small little steps.
I will never tell myself, "Next time, when I start obsessing, I'm just going to turn right around, knock it off, and forget it ever happened, yessirree."
My plan is always to nip off one little piece at a time:
"Next time, I will allow myself one hour to obsess all I want, and then it's back to me. If I need to I'm going to put a rubber band around wrist and snap it if my mind dares 'go there' any more".
"Next time, I will let myself call ONCE, but not again. One call is enough for a civilized human being to call me back, and if he doesn't, then I'm going to focus inward and ask myself whether I really want to act this pitiful any more for someone who can't show common courtesy." And so on.
Just like I'm in school, with each passing week I'll ask myself to improve just a little. Shorten the obsessing free-time to a half-hour. Force myself to WAIT and BREATHE for 15 mins before phoning at all, etc.
This is my only plan: To constantly know that, although I may backslide from time to time, on the whole I'm always moving forward into a better and more honorable future for myself.
Does that make any sense at all? Not sure if I'm "out there" or what.
Hugs,
GiveLove