SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - GawdAwMighty

TenPacks · 04-22-2007, 05:15 PM

I joined here in January, but did not commit to taking action - do I ever wish I had now:

I have been getting worse in my alcoholism, nearly a bottle a day. I have been in love with an old friend from other Discussion Forums for 8 months. (I knew her for 7 years, but as a friend). She has always expressed a willingness to help me - oddly, I don't have to drink around her.

Last Thursday, I woke up fuzzy as usual - but something snapped! I had an intense series of anxiety attacks and wound up throwing a bunch of my stuff in my truck, leaving my wife a note that I have to get away (she knows all about my "friend"), and drove 8 hours to be with the woman. I thought I had the courage to leave my marriage behind, but it turned out I didn't.

The 2nd night, still freaking out somewhat, I couldn't sleep all night, but at least was sober. I wound up rising very early, calling me wife to see if she will take me back, and leaving my friend in the lurch. Now, I have TWO shames... living down the affair - and knowing that my "friend" is now devastated as well.

God, what a mess I have made of things.

I feel like if I knew where I was going to die, I'd hop a bus and go...

My wife wants to help me and for us to get this mess fixed, but how do I turn my life around now that I screwed up so royally?

04-22-2007, 05:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
TenPacks Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Southern BC, Canada Posts: 100	GawdAwMighty - Did I blow it this week! I joined here in January, but did not commit to taking action - do I ever wish I had now: I have been getting worse in my alcoholism, nearly a bottle a day. I have been in love with an old friend from other Discussion Forums for 8 months. (I knew her for 7 years, but as a friend). She has always expressed a willingness to help me - oddly, I don't have to drink around her. Last Thursday, I woke up fuzzy as usual - but something snapped! I had an intense series of anxiety attacks and wound up throwing a bunch of my stuff in my truck, leaving my wife a note that I have to get away (she knows all about my "friend"), and drove 8 hours to be with the woman. I thought I had the courage to leave my marriage behind, but it turned out I didn't. The 2nd night, still freaking out somewhat, I couldn't sleep all night, but at least was sober. I wound up rising very early, calling me wife to see if she will take me back, and leaving my friend in the lurch. Now, I have TWO shames... living down the affair - and knowing that my "friend" is now devastated as well. God, what a mess I have made of things. I feel like if I knew where I was going to die, I'd hop a bus and go... My wife wants to help me and for us to get this mess fixed, but how do I turn my life around now that I screwed up so royally?