[bluenena]

Don't get disouraged they'll kick in and you will find a you, you forgot existed.
Just keep your head up.

After reading the following part of your post, I have to ask how much of your depression is colored by this situation?

"I keep wondering to myself -- how much of this situation is just colored by my depression. If I wasn't this way would I have even gotten myself into this situation? and would I have allowed it to go this far?"

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just keep going, you'll get there.