[BigSis]

Karlee...

Have you asked yourself what YOU want in life?

For me, the answer is ... peace and love.

That's all I REALLY want, yet I allowed myself to be surrounded by violence, chaos and anger.

Notice - I did not say that I was the victim of violence, chaos and anger.... I ALLOWED myself to be surrounded by these things.

The only way to change things... is to change things.

From what I've read, I would say you are doing many of the right things. The one thing I see missing is "action".

Violence is an excellent reason to separate from a spouse. You don't have to divorce, but I do believe that separation can help the abused get well enough EMOTIONALLY to be able to think of the next right thing. Getting away from your husband may save your life.

Stopping using drugs and alcohol may take other sorts of actions. If you are unable to quit on your own, perhaps you can seek out a program that can help you quit. That is action that belongs only to you.

An eating disorder, is often another manifestation of addiction, and you may discover you are much better able to handle the eating disorder if you can work a program of recovery.

None of this has to cost a lot of money.

Check with a women's shelter for resources on getting away from the violence.
Go to several Alanon meetings.
Check out some AA and NA meetings and perhaps find a study group that works on the 12 steps.

Knowledge is good - you are making a good start. But it takes action in addition to the knowledge.

With love,

(((hugs)))