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karlee · 04-11-2007, 04:03 PM

I read the posts. My husband uses almost all of those tactics. I feel I have no choices. My husband does not allow me to have friends or go any where.
I do go to church, but not often. I do go almost every Friday for the addiction's program. My husband would never allow me to take the kids and my kids would never come. They are all teens 14 yrs and older. They have their friends etc... here around the neighborhood. Then I feel so guilty and feel that I am much to blame. Then when my husband blows his top like he did this past Sunday. He will be all sorry and get all nice. He has never ever told me verbally he is sorry.However, he will do housework or buy me treats or flowers etc...This is tearing me apart. Sometimes I use drugs just so I can just to escape from his screaming and calling me names. I know that he is very dangerous and could kill me someday. One time we were cleaning the kitchen after one of our children's birthday party. He got mad at me because i asked him to help me. He threw a butcher knife across the kitchen into the sink. The knife barely missed me because I was standing right in front of the sink washing thedishes. He has done things like that in the pass. I love him and and I feel he loves me and the kids. However, anymore I do not know.
My church Pastor and his wife said the only Bibical reason to divorce is if my husband commited adultry. My husband always blames me for his rages. It is because my addictions, my manic-0depressive and so on. So, is it my fault?
My autistic 17 yr., 18 in June, is starting to get violent with me. My 16 yr. daughter thinks it is okay for men to treat women this way. I have noone to turn too. I do not trust the women shelters here. I live in a state that men are always in the right. I live in the center of mormon counrty. The police and everyone will backup the husband long before they ever will the wife. I know this by experience from other women that I know. So, I feel so lost. Then again. Perhaps, all my addictions and my manic depression is the cause of all of this. Perhaps I do deserve this...I feel like I am just barely hold on. If it were not for Jesus encouraging me to stay for my kids. I think I would of commited suicide a very long time ago...It just that I am so tire of everything. Then having to walk on egg-shells everyday. Just so I do not upset my husband..I feel so desperate and alone.

04-11-2007, 04:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
karlee Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Utah Posts: 80	I read the posts I read the posts. My husband uses almost all of those tactics. I feel I have no choices. My husband does not allow me to have friends or go any where. I do go to church, but not often. I do go almost every Friday for the addiction's program. My husband would never allow me to take the kids and my kids would never come. They are all teens 14 yrs and older. They have their friends etc... here around the neighborhood. Then I feel so guilty and feel that I am much to blame. Then when my husband blows his top like he did this past Sunday. He will be all sorry and get all nice. He has never ever told me verbally he is sorry.However, he will do housework or buy me treats or flowers etc...This is tearing me apart. Sometimes I use drugs just so I can just to escape from his screaming and calling me names. I know that he is very dangerous and could kill me someday. One time we were cleaning the kitchen after one of our children's birthday party. He got mad at me because i asked him to help me. He threw a butcher knife across the kitchen into the sink. The knife barely missed me because I was standing right in front of the sink washing thedishes. He has done things like that in the pass. I love him and and I feel he loves me and the kids. However, anymore I do not know. My church Pastor and his wife said the only Bibical reason to divorce is if my husband commited adultry. My husband always blames me for his rages. It is because my addictions, my manic-0depressive and so on. So, is it my fault? My autistic 17 yr., 18 in June, is starting to get violent with me. My 16 yr. daughter thinks it is okay for men to treat women this way. I have noone to turn too. I do not trust the women shelters here. I live in a state that men are always in the right. I live in the center of mormon counrty. The police and everyone will backup the husband long before they ever will the wife. I know this by experience from other women that I know. So, I feel so lost. Then again. Perhaps, all my addictions and my manic depression is the cause of all of this. Perhaps I do deserve this...I feel like I am just barely hold on. If it were not for Jesus encouraging me to stay for my kids. I think I would of commited suicide a very long time ago...It just that I am so tire of everything. Then having to walk on egg-shells everyday. Just so I do not upset my husband..I feel so desperate and alone.