[Spacecat]

Hello board,

I've been quitting Zoloft cold turkey for approximately 33 hrs so far, after weaning myself off a very low dose of 25 mgs for 5 days....
My psychiatrist prescribed me a small bottle of 5 mg Diazapam to help get me through until the 18th of April, & beyond my next appointment with him, if possible....
This is why I am posting tonight, as I have been having a difficult afternoon/evening, to a certain degree, & so far today I have taken 10 mgs in total of the Diazapam or Valium today as I felt I needed it to get through the afternoon/evening, after having a rather broken, disturbed sleep last night due to very vivid dreams, which I know are caused by the Zoloft withdrawal.....Now I don't want to alarm anyone, by talking about my dreams as they weren't suicidal, violent or depraved in any way, but they were a little unsettling & very vivid...
Nonetheless, the subject matter of my dreams, was, understandedly normal, as they were in relation to being kidnapped by a bunch of criminals & I know why I had this dream...
I discovered yesterday, that the lock on my front door was faulty & easily opened without a key, which didn't exactly put my mind at ease when I hit the sack last night....
I am renting a unit or flat & I have a lot of valuables in my home, which would make my unit a worthy target for thieves....
Well, my landlord sent a locksmith over today & my front door is now secure...which is good news....
I find the late afternoons & evenings especially hard, even when I was taking 50 mgs of Zoloft, but besides the fact that Zoloft did very little for my anxiety condition, I found the side-effects to be nearly as bad as if I wasn't taking any anti-depressants at all....
It helps to post on this board & I especially enjoy being able to help others here, as I have stated in earlier posts, as it gets my mind off my own problems & encourages me as well...
My psychiatrist has increased my dosage of Solian, up to 400 mgs & for those who aren't familiar with this drug, it is a very good anti-psychotic
which I was prescribed for a diagnosis of mild paranoid psychosis, many years ago....
I feel pretty discouraged tonight, even though I have been trying to divert my mind off my problems, I am trying to keep my faith secure in the fact that, personally I have decided that, my particular mental state isn't improved, even slightly by anti-depressants & that Benzodiazepins are going to be a short-term solution for my particular mental illness, because I am not willing to put up with the side-effects of most anti-depressants that I have either experienced personally or have researched either through word of mouth from people I have spoken to, or from other sources of information such as books, the Web or drug company information.....
Now please read on, I am in no way judging or trying to influence anyone who have been prescribed anti-depressants, to steer clear of them, for I am simply sharing my frustration with them, for me personally, as everyone is different, everyone's experience with certain medications differ in some way or another & for some, anti-depressants are a Godsend....
Many people are in danger of harming themselves or others, without anti-depressants & for some, anti-depressants can mean a light at the end of a very dark & painful tunnel...
Unfortunately, I can't talk to my psychiatrist until next Monday, as he will be on leave until the 16th of April....But it's not all bad news, as I have my support network in my local church & I have soberrecovery.com, which I see as my newfound family....
I hope I can resist taking one more 5 mg Valium tablet tonight & can learn to manage these slight withdrawal symptoms...
I have a friend who lives on the outskirts of my town & we communicate via the phone regularly, but he can be very negative due to the fact that he has some serious health problems, & he is a hermit.....
Perhaps it would be better if I don't talk to him while I am coming off Zoloft, as I talked to him this afternoon & the subject matter of our conversation triggered a negative reaction in me as he loves to provoke arguments & I find he can be very critical of things I am interested in.....
Well, this post has been a mini-novel, & I'm sorry for being so self-absorbed, but I guess they say that confession is good for the soul...

Thankyou for your patience everyone,
God Bless each & every one of you...