[jlo34]

3rd edition - p. 373

We read this story today at my Big Book study. Anyone want to discuss this story?

I really liked the following the best: (379-380):
"Could I be an alcoholic without some of the hair-raising experiences I had heard of in meetings? The answer came to me very simply in the first step of the Twelve Steps of A.A. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable." This didn't say we had to be in jail, ten, fifty, or one hundred times. It didn't say I had to lose one, five or ten jobs. It didn't say I had to lose my family. It didn't say I had to finally live on skid row and drink bay rum, canned heat, or lemon extract. It did say, "admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable."

Most certainly I was powerless over alcohol, and for me, my life had become unmanageable. It wasn't how far I had gone, but where I was headed. It was important to me to see what alcohol had done to me and would continue to do if I didn't have help.

At first it was a shock to realize I was an alcoholic, but the realization that there was hope made it easier. The baffling problem of getting drunk when I had every intention of staying sober was simplified. It was a great relief to know I didn't have to drink any more.

I was told that I must want sobriety for my own sake and I am convinced this is true. There may be many reasons which bring one to A.A. for the first time, but the lasting one must be to want sobriety and the A.A. way of living for oneself...."

When I was first introduced to AA, I was 16 and had absolutely no desire to get sober (heck, I didn't even know what the word meant). Through going to meetings though and learning about this "better way of life"; through my relapses (which were on and off for a year), I was able to prove that even as a teenager, I was an alcoholic.

No, I hadn't been arrested (pulled over 23+ times though in 1.5 years though). Never kicked out of school (pulled into the counselors office to discuss my alcohol problem). Never let go from a job (only because the managers enabled me). So, I really had to take a good look at me and why I might be an alcoholic.

After that year of relapsing (yet attending AA meetings almost daily); I found that it was a matter of what happened to ME when I drank. I was not the same person. Not a happy person. I was not in control, nor could I control the amount of alcohol I took in or what I would do under the influence. I was dangerous and a menace to society. My overall wanting to be good was what saved my life. When I landed in a juvenile (lock-up) treatment center at 17, I knew I had to make a decision...to live (and be sober) or to die (drunk).

I had no spiritual or religious knowledge (other than what I learned at AA). I was bankrupt in all accounts of my being. My sole mission was to end my misery because I didn't think I was a worthwhile human being and I hurt so darned bad. Sobriety and recovery then gave me a glimpse of light...a glimpse of hope.

I am so grateful that I chose life...my life today is nothing like it was then. It took me a long time to move past steps 1, 2, and 12. I had a lot of hurting to go through before I was willing to work the rest of the steps...course, for me, it was either do the steps or die...I was again in that pain where I was bankrupt spiritually and emotionally. I had been sober for 13 years...but that was the only difference.

I again am so grateful that God has blessed me with the steps and the wonderful fellowship in my area. I am so grateful for so many things today....my quality of life is near the top of the list...but of course, topping the list, yea, that would be my HP. The One who always knew what I needed. I just had to concede and surrender to see it!!!

I'd like to hear your take on the story...thanks.

Blessings all,
Jen